Do You Know This Guy?

My friend Kyle (that works with me), drew a pic of me in Adobe Illustrator. I thought it looked pretty good (although he was generous with the amount of hair on my head):

Top Ten Things I've Learned From Being On Crutches

10. When you're on crutches, you can't do much else. Big thanks to my AMAZING wife who has done double-duty with the kids and house cleaning and taking care of me while I've been out of the game.

9. Being on crutches is humbling. Since you can't carry things in your hands, you have to be humble and ask people to help you carry things: drinks, computers, books, you name it. It's hard for us self-sufficient Americans to ask for help...but on crutches, you have little choice.

8. People are nicer to you when you're on crutches...well, sort of. People hold doors for you and offer to drive to lunch so you don't have to drive, etc. But, the call you names like cripple, gimppy, peg leg, etc. That's not so nice.

7. Walking on crutches is exhausting. I think the older a person is, the more exhausting. When I was on crutches as a kid, it didn't seem so exhausting. When you use crutches you walk with your whole body instead of just with your legs. My abs, shoulders, hands, elbows, and other parts are exhausted.

6. Speaking of exhausted, my good leg is exhausted having to bear the burden of my (over)weight all by itself. Kyle (that works with me) thinks I might be able to dunk off that one leg when I'm all healed.

5. It's the simple things in life that matter. Amost everything that you normally do on a regular basis is altered when you're on one leg...taking a shower (go ahead, try to get in your bath tub using only one leg), standing from a sitting position, etc.

4. Stairs are treacherous...I've nearly lost my balance and tumbled down the stairs at least a dozen times in the past few weeks (I said "nearly"...no broken neck yet).

3. The rain is wetter when you are on crutches. Not sure how the rain gets wetter, but it does.

2. Healing takes longer when you're on crutches. I've been injured before and my recovery time is always faster than it has been on these darn things. I know you're probably thinking, "Chuck, it just seems longer," or "perhaps you recovered faster because the injury wasn't as bad." Nope. You're wrong. I'm convinced it's the crutches that are slowing me down. It's some vast, right-wing crutch conspiracy.

1. 100 percent of the people you meet who would've never in a million years spoken to you will ask you what happened. 76.3 percent of them, upon hearing that you sprained your ankle, will tell you that a sprain takes longer than a break to heal. The other 23.7 percent will make a remark about how you shouldn't have been back-talking you wife and she wouldn't have kicked you in the leg.

Thanks for all the inquiries, help carrying things, words of encouragment, sympathetic looks and comments about 'manning up.' I'm getting better everyday and should be walking sans crutches pretty soon.